Let Go of Your Walls

You know the old saying that once learned, you never forget how to ride a bicycle? It’s not true – and it is.

I just spent 20 minutes sitting on my bike, which I used frequently until an unsuccessful knee surgery last October, trying to remember how to ride. Or at least trying to convince my body it knew how.

I had to raise the seat really high to give myself room for a less painful revolution, so my knee wouldn’t bend more than absolutely necessary. I started by pedaling backwards, hanging on to the wall and getting a feel for going around and around. My body instinctively contorted to move away from the pain as my knee bent at the hardest point in the revolution – expecting pain, anticipating trouble.   To my surprise, it hurt less than I thought it would.

“Okay, not bad,” I told myself. “Now slow it down and see where the pain is. See if I can get past it.” I went round and round, slowly, adjusting myself on the seat, changing my foot position, breathing and relaxing. Anything to make it feel easier, less painful, and more balanced.

It got better. But as long as I focused on the pain, it was still there.

“Screw it, just go fast,” my taskmaster side came through. “Who cares what it looks like, just push through. If it hurts, it hurts – it won’t kill you.” I felt sufficiently beat up and pedaled faster. Still in reverse, still going nowhere.

Time to let go of the wall. I looked down the driveway out to the court.   I couldn’t’ let go of that damn wall. My mind was freaking out, sounding like a five year old just learning to ride – I’m going to fall, it’s too high. It’s too far. I can’t do it. It’s going to hurt. I was SCARED. I flashed on the first time I rode a bike. My parents let go and I went straight into a barbed wire fence.

Right behind Fear came Logic. Don’t be ridiculous! Just go as far as the shady part. Look – all the mailboxes are tall enough to grab for balance. If you go that way you can land on the grass if you fall. All these thoughts back and forth –fear telling me to stay, logic telling me to go. Neither one moved me forward.

But I could feel something stronger rising from the very center of me. That force – a thing inside that wants to push through no matter what – that has no thought, no words. It took over and I was off. I pushed down with my “Bad” knee and pedaled away. Easy. Didn’t hurt. It was NO BIG DEAL. I glided out of the court, turned around and came back to the garage. I stopped and jumped off the seat – from that high, scary, unbalanced place – just like I jumped off my bike without thinking so many times before.

With both feet firmly on the concrete I lifted my hands from the handlebar. They were shaking. I DID it!

I jumped on that bike this morning spontaneously and without a plan.   And until then I didn’t realize how scared I’ve been about pushing myself not only physically but creatively – how many old fears were running around my head in deeply worn ruts that have no basis in truth.

The mind can convince us, through thoughts that lead to emotions – that we are incapable of being and doing more. That we must protect ourselves from pain. That we must not stand too tall in the world lest we fall and make a fool of ourselves.

But the deep knowing of intuition – that driving force of the higher, wiser Self in us all – is always there if we let it be. It never forgets. It is always right. And it will always move us further and faster if we just let go.

SONY DSC

Innsbruck, Austria by Katia Novak 2012

Conscious Parenting

Each of us is born with the same purpose: to become aware of ourselves as Spirit and to manifest our greatest good in the world as individuals.  As parents, it is easy to lose sight of our children’s inner drive to become truly themselves as we try to teach them and keep them safe. Our expectations of who our children will become overshadow their own truth.

Conscious parenting requires seeing  children for who they are – strong and capable Spirits  – whether they are an infant in a crib or an inexperienced teenager.  It means supporting them in what brings them joy and what they do well, even if it doesn’t suit our dreams for them. Teaching your child to connect to their inner wisdom (intuition) to guide them through life is one of the greatest tools for  happiness that you can give them.

Kahlil Gibran’s words are a beautiful reminder:

On Children

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.